Well I had my frist one night stand. It was exciting, awkward, uncomfortable, and I feel gross all at the same time. It has taken me a really long time to blog about this one. There are a lot of people who follow my blog that would find this information really shocking and many of my friends would look down on it. But this blog is about being vulnerable and about being myself and it did happen and I did learn. Life is about learning. This blog is about learning and ignoring the fact that it happend doesn’t allow one to learn from the situation.
So this boy….
We are going to call him the Player… for many reasons. He was a ball player in college… he kind of played me… and when we were having sex he was playing some strange game that I won’t get into now but I will explain later and don’t worry I won’t be too graphic…
So I’m going to start from the very beginning… I guess he wasn’t a complete one night stand because I knew the guy but I don’t think it will ever happen again nor do I feel like I will see him again so pretty sure it still belongs in the one night stand category evan though I already knew him.
In college I knew him… and when I broke up with Dumb Dumb I was out at the bar and ran into one of the Player’s friends. His friend comes up to me and was like the Player has had a crush on you for a long time… really? This was very exciting at the time for I was newly single and he was really stinken cute. Nothing happened though because he had a girlfriend at this time and I wasn’t going to mess with that…
So jumping ahead to now… about two years later… I am hanging out at a bar and he literally just walks in. Did I mention he isn’t even living in the same state as me anymore… it was completely random. He was cute and I almost felt like I was on a first date… minus the fact that it was completely unplanned and at a bar. We both got a drink and were laughing, singing, and giggling. We were literally being adorable. If someone was watching us from a far they would have thought that we were newly dating or recently married.
I probably had too much to drink this night though. It was my friends going away party and everyone was celebrating… and the end of the night was a bit of a mess… literally and figuratively…
So half our group had ditched us at this moment. Mini was pissed at the world and crying… I’m sitting there with the Player and trying to calm her down… the guy she had a crush on left without saying good bye, her best friend from Portland ditched us (which we later found out that was was driving someone home and was coming right back to get us) and her friend visiting form California that had no phone decided to walk home not know which way to even walk in…. it was pretty much a shit show.
Mini’s friend comes back to get us and Mini is pretty much a loose cannon and wants to cut the head off anyone that comes in swinging distance… and I’m sitting there trying to calm her down and figure out what I’m doing with the Player who is still standing by my side.
I told him he could come home with me but no funny business…and we proceeded to drive home… as we are on our way the Player gets a text from some girl and I asked him if there was somewhere else that he was supposed to be… I really didn’t know his status… and didn’t want to get involved in any kind of drama if he was supposed to be with someone else…or if he even had a girlfriend…. he said his friend was just making sure he was getting home safe.
When we arrived at my house we of course started to make out… it really wasn’t a good idea to invite him over and looking back at it I am really not sure why I did it. There is something about a guy saying he has liked me for a really long time that makes me feel a little more secure and it really shouldn’t that doesn’t make me know the guy any more than I actually do.
One thing led to another and well ya… I will spare you the details… but some details I have to share. This bizarre absolutely weird thing happened… he kept talking.. and talking about sports… while we were doing it. At first I thought it was the whole “think of baseball so you last longer concept” but noooooooo. It was entirely the strangest thing I have ever heard of… he was basically giving a play by play of us having sex like he was a sports caster of some sport. He kept using all these different sports to talk about everything that we were doing. One moment he would be talking about baseball, then football, then golf, and half of what he was saying I wasn’t even following or understanding. First he was talking about golf, then football, and then basketball. Was he board? Was I bad in bed? I’ve never heard complaints before… I’ve also never had my every move commentated…
I was completely turned off at this point and to make matters worse the Player was soooooooooooooo fucking drunk… he got his nastiness all over my sheets when he was taking off the condom… I freaken threw wipes at him and told him to clean up, then made him put new sheets on my bed. There is no way in hell I was going to sleep in any of that shit.
At this point I really wanted to call a taxi and just send him home but I feel like if the roles had been reversed I would have been really upset if he had done that to me… so I let him stay.
The morning wasn’t really that awkward… he was back to normal and I drove him home. I really wanted the adorable cuteness that we had vibing from the bar to come back. But it was sadly no where in sight…
I dropped him off and he said “see you out tonight maybe?”
I was like “maybe you should get my number so ou can make that happen.”
“Sure.” he responded as he got my digets.
He never texted me and I did see him out. And all I got was a head nod as he continued to hang out with his friends. I felt mortified at this point, disrespected, and the worst part of it all was that I allowed it. I let him come over. He doesn’t owe me anything. Not a date, a drink, or even a second look. Part of me felt like “heyyyyyyy go with the flow, it will be fun, this guy likes you” … and that over powered the part of me that usually says “you really don’t know him that well, make him take you out, wait for more than just an interaction at the bar, don’t compromise your moral just because you think it will be fun.”
Well it wasn’t fun. Leading up to it was fun but having sex with someone I barely know was not. Some would argue the sex is a basic human instant and we have needs. I think this is true to some extent but we are also emotional being and want to experience closeness with one another and sex gives a false sense of closeness. I think my want and need to be close to someone out weighs my need for our animalistic instincts. Especially an animal that has no sense of decency to keep their place of slumber clean.