Man Down

6a00d8341c630a53ef016765542a2c970b-640wiHis name is Giggles. Not because of anything he did at the beginning of the date but how the date ended. But he didn’t leave me laughing…

I met up with a guy I had been talking for drinks. We barely know each other but I was excited to get to know him better. He was charming, easy to talk to, successful in his current job, almost done with his masters at a very respectable college. After hanging out with him for 30 minutes I was grinning from ear to ear.  He was athletic, funny, and actually wanted to hear about what I had going on in my life. Do you know how refreshing that is boys and girls??? I can’t tell you how many times I sat there asking a million questions about a guy only to realize I am 1. Running out of questions, and 2. He doesn’t know a damn thing about me because he likes hearing himself talk more than he actually likes being on a date with me…. Well this guy wasn’t like that. I found myself talking, talking almost too much, but there was also so much to talk about. We had a lot in common….. and apparently a lot to drink? This was news to me. I had one drink. I think he had two, but who knows considering he also invited me to join him and his friend. Who knows how many drinks they had before I showed up? His friend sat with us all of two minutes then decided to excuse himself, probably due to the tricycle he was creating.

As we got up to leave he said he would walk me to my car and after a spectacular evening he kissed me goodnight but proceeded to awkwardly see if he could come home with me. I assured him that I was going home alone tonight but offered him a ride home as I realized that he had no car and he probably arrived with his friend. He seemed bummed that he wasn’t going to come home with me but decided to take the ride.

As he is giving me directions he starts giggling. I thought it was endearing and continued to follow his directions. This is when I realized he was drunk. The more he giggled the more I realized he was leading me in complete circles and we were almost already back at the bar! I couldn’t believe it, he was literally leading me in circles! Having to pee from my two glasses of water and pea-sized bladder I went back into the bar to pee while he stayed in the car for a second.

I was maybe gone for three minutes, there was no line, and no girl that wanted to drunkenly befriend me in the bathroom, and when I returned he was SLEEPING IN MY CAR. I woke him up and told him that I needed to take him home! He giggled some more and said he would take a cab. Sounding like a fantastic idea I let him giggle his ass out of my car as I drove off.

I was home, almost ready for bed, and then I got a phone call… this was no laughing matter.

“Where did you go?” Giggles said.

“Home! You need to get a cab, like you said you were going to, and go home.” I hung up hoping this would be the end of this silly man. But, no, of course not.

He called three more times, which I chose to ignore and I went to bed. Then he texted me in the morning saying, “Man Down.”

Man Down? Are you serious?

Dear every-guy-who-has-ever-wanted-to-go-home-with-a-girl: If she isn’t going to go home with you or take you home you, you better have a backup plan. It is not her responsibility to get you home safely. And if she is nice enough to try and take you home, it is not her fault if you choose not to go home. You can’t expect her to take you home, because you pretend to have no other options. You also probably shouldn’t get so drunk on a first date that you are uncertain how the date will end. And you certainly can’t blame your horrible night on someone who tried to drive you home.

And for the record, he apologized once I informed him of the entire situation, which he admitted to not remembering much of. Who’s laughing now Mr. Giggles?

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