My Story from the beginning
This is why I started blogging… this is why I am who I am… this is why I am single… and this is why my standards are as high as my heals… I want real love, true love, pure love and I won’t settle for less… I’d rather be single…
So this story begins right around the time I met Dumb Dumb (Dumb Dumb is my ex, see the nicknames page for explanations) at track camp. I know really nerdy, meeting a guy at camp. Well we stayed in contact and before you knew it we were dating. Lets just say it lasted much longer than I thought it would. We started dating our Junior year of high school and by our junior year of college things were getting a little more serious than ever expected. We were both full time students discovering who we were and what we wanted in life, and well what he wanted in life was me and later I would learn he had the oddest way of showing it. During our junior year of college he had saved up to buy an engagement ring and although every girl dreams about the day that a man gets down on one knee, this story doesn’t exactly have the happy ending most do. Long story short he bought the ring and we got into a big fight about getting married and he spilled the beans before he ever got the chance to ask for my hand in marriage. I didn’t want to get married until after college and he had a different idea in mind. I feel like if a man loves you he listens to you, right? That’s probably the case if a man really loves you, but Dumb Dumb had an interesting way of loving someone. One that I don’t think any normal person can possibly understand or comprehend. You see he said he loved me. He told me every day but if you love someone you don’t treat them the way he did me. And the crazy thing is during the five years of our relationship, I really did think he loved me.
Before I continue this story, I am going to give you glimpse into what our relationship was like, how I was treated during this five year span. Yes that’s right, I am actually going to praise him… you probably won’t see me doing this any where else in my blog. Dumb Dumb was that guy that bought you flowers just because you were having a bad day. Dumb Dumb was the guy who would spend hours hanging out with your family because it was important to you. Dumb Dumb was the guy who would buy you your favorite sweets and leave you a cute little note. Dumb Dumb is the guy that never forgets your birthday, your mom’s birthday, or even your sister’s birthday. He bought me the best presents too. One year he bought me a designer jacket and another year he bought me my dog. The jacket I sadly lost but I thankfully still have my dog! Dumb Dumb is the guy that when you are really stressed about your 50 hour work week and you need to move by the end of the week, he surprises you and moves half your apartment in one day when you are at work. Dumb Dumb on the surface was the perfect boyfriend and my friends thought I was absolutely crazy when I decided I wanted to break up with him. I broke up with him my senior year of college mostly because I needed to be by myself for awhile and partly because I was scared of how serious we had gotten. I felt like I needed to see the world and really meet new people to know if he was the person I was supposed to end up with. It was an extremely difficult decision at the time. He was my best friend, we did everything together.
So I broke up with him shortly into my senior year of college, after I made him return the ring, and after I decided I needed to do some soul searching. Part of me questioned why I wasn’t more excited about him buying a ring and the other part of me just thought our timing was off. At first I felt this huge relief and I was excited for my newly single life, shortly after that I was extremely sad and felt like I made a mistake, I felt like I had just thrown aside a person that I cared for so deeply. This is when I started doing those crazy girl things. You know those things you do when emotions get involved and you do and say things that you probably shouldn’t. This consisted of a few things, yes calling him and talking to him about “us” and making the whole thing a mess. Feeling like I wanted to be single but wanted him to be there. I also did another crazy thing, something that some people may not understand. I felt this need to stop being angry at people that once hurt me. I thought that forgiving them would somehow make me feel better in this time of confused emotions. I wrote three messages, one to an ex boyfriend from high school, one to friend that turned her back on me in high school, and one to Dumb Dumb’s ex-girlfriend Baby (see the nicknames page). I am not going to lie that I was extremely jealous of Baby while we were dating because she was Dumb Dumb’s first and that made me angry, and well the fact that they hooked up when Dumb Dumb and I broke up for a month. Yes, we were broken up but I was still bitter about it. I know I had no reason to be but it still bothered me. There were a few times where we would be at a party with Baby, or a track meet, and she was always very nice to me and I always gave her the cold shoulder. I felt a little guilty about how I treated her and knew that it was time for this grudge to come to an end. I wrote her a very simple “Hey, I am trying to move forward in my life right now and part of that is forgiving people in the past. For so long I have hated you and I am sorry. Most of what I hated you for were probably figments of my imagination and stories I created in my mind. I know at one point in your life you were in love with Dumb Dumb and I am almost jealous that he could love anyone else but me. But that is part of the past. I am sure you are a very nice person and you seem really happy with your new boyfriend. You don’t need to reply to this if you don’t want to that is up to you. Unless you feel the need I would be happy to chat.” I did not expect her to respond and I definitely did not expect her to say what she did next. She proceeded to tell me that I shouldn’t forgive her and that I wasn’t imagining anything. I wasn’t just a jealous girlfriend who decided to hate the ex for no reason.
Baby proceeded to tell me that they had been sleeping together on and off during our entire relationship. The sick and twisted part is that Dumb Dumb broke it off with her when he decided to start saving up for a ring. The EVEN SICKER and more twisted part is that he was telling her that he loved her and somehow convinced her that you can love someone with while being with someone else. She also explained how he had convinced her that he had told me everything and that I was somehow willing to look past it. I don’t get it. I don’t get it one bit. How can one person be so manipulative. I honestly thought that he wouldn’t be able to ever cheat on me because I was smarter then him and he wouldn’t be able to get away with it. So shortly after she told me everything and when I say everything, I mean everything. There were details I probably didn’t need to know, places they met up, places they almost got caught, places they did get caught, and all the crazy manipulative things he said to convince her that I either didn’t need to know. I went nuts. I mean most girls would. Everything that I knew to be true from the last five years was completely turned upside down. The person I spent years of my life with I suddenly knew nothing about.
Before I even confronted him about anything I went crazy. I wanted to know everything. I felt like an f***ing detective and spent all my free time researching and trying to solve this mystery that happened to be my life for the last five years. I conducted interviews aka asking everyone what they knew and I also proceeded to tell everyone what I had found out in the process. Almost everyone I had talked to was in awe of what I had discovered. I wasn’t the only one that was shocked about these findings, I wasn’t the only one that was fooled, and I wasn’t the only one completely and utterly confused how someone can do what he did. Through asking about 30-40 people (when I said I went crazy I meant it, wasn’t my brightest moment) I found another girl. This girl was beautiful and my heart fell into my gut once again. She was also a loose cannon and was in and out of rehab while we were in college. I ended up finding one more girl that a friend of a friend heard about. Not sure how reliable that information was nor did I care at this point. I couldn’t believe it. He had obviously mastered the art of manipulation. I then asked his best friends if they knew anything. One never responded, one told me that he knew nothing and started defending him. This of course pissed me off, how are you about to defend someone when they could do something like that? I mean I guess he was just being a good friend or better yet he was completely fooled also. It was a matter of minutes before Dumb Dumb texted me asking what was going on. I told him I knew everything. He lied and lied and lied and lied some more denying that anything ever happened. I then copied the conversation that I had with Baby and sent it to him on Facebook. His lies turned in apologies and I told him I didn’t want apologies I wanted a confession. At this point he hadn’t truly owned up to anything he had done. It was all broken a conversation of lies and apologies. I wanted him to own up to what he did and to stop beating around the bush. He then said “I cheated on you with Baby and the other girl.” There it was the confession that I wanted. Having him admit what he did was step one, there was something so powerful in being able to get him to say exactly what he did, and finally own up to the truth. Next I wanted him to apologize to my face or at least over the phone. Everything thus far was over texting. Throughout the lies, the apologies, and the confession I did indeed call him but he never picked up. I wanted him to face me and stop hiding behind all his lies and text messages. He never did pick up and I am sure there is no way that he would ever face me in person, at least not any time soon.
I didn’t stop there. Oops. I promised his mom that I would return her dining room table if we ever broke up. The original plan was for me to return it when I moved out at the end of the year. Well out of extreme anger I texted his mom and said “Your son cheated on me and I’m bringing your table back on Saturday.” Her response? “I’m sorry you too couldn’t work things out.” Really? Did she know? Did she not believe me? It didn’t matter at this point. I then told Dumb Dumb that I was going to be stopping by on Saturday; he said he was going to be at work. My best friend and I made the two-hour trip up to his parents house and I could feel the anxiety building up inside of me. I didn’t know how I was going to react to seeing his family. Would I cry? Would I scream? What would they say? As we approached the house and we were just blocks away I saw his brother drive off in the opposite direction. When I pulled up to the house the usual twenty cars weren’t in the driveway (his dad sold cars) and I slowly approached the front door. It was unlocked so I went in. No one was home! There was a bag of my stuff by the front door. What the hell! No one could face me! It was an entire house full of cowards. Not only did he not have the guts to tell me the truth for so many years but his family conveniently decided to all not be home when I told them I was coming. Being in rather the dramatic emotional state that I was, I would not accept this anti-climatic ending to my table return. I decided that I wanted to stop by his work. I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I wanted to say but the fact that he wouldn’t answer my phone calls or face me, bothered me. Not too much later I found myself looking for him at his work and soon after found someone I knew and asked them where he was. “He didn’t come into work today.” They replied. What?! So there he was skipping work AND avoiding me?! Did I mention that he owed me 350 dollars from when I paid off his credit card bill? Crazy the things you will do for someone you care about. I then texted him and said “You probably shouldn’t be skipping work when you owe me money.” He promised to pay me back…. And seven years later, he has yet to pay me. He said money is “tight.” Yet he can afford a few brand new hundred dollar tattoos. The irony you ask? His tattoo, which he got like 6 months after we broke up said “Everything I do, I do with Love.”
The Last of the Crazy
Still angered and wanting some kind of revenge I decided to get on his Facebook and mess with it. Kind of strange that one would know their significant other’s Facebook password and not be able to figure out that that person was cheating on them. Did I look through his messages when we were dating you ask? You betch-ya. I know I shouldn’t have and I am not completely proud that I did. The crazy thing is that, I never found anything. Anyways… I went on his Facebook page and changed his password so he couldn’t log on. Then I got on his email and changed his email password so that he couldn’t change it back. I’m not sure how long it took him to figure everything out but the satisfaction that I could mess with it was a bit of a satisfying feeling. At this time I also had realized I still had a bunch of his shit. Being egged on by my friend who had just been cheated on by her boyfriend, I decided to burn it. This isn’t something that I would normally do but the fire inside of me deserved to destroy something. There were a couple of sweatshirts, t-shirts and shoes that didn’t burn so well. A few weeks later Dumb Dumb texted me and asked if he would get his stuff back and I simply replied that I burned them. Kind of makes us even for him not paying me back that 350 dollars that he owed me I suppose.